Confessions

December 1, 2008

I dug these confessions up from 2004. 

  1. I read romance novels
  2. There’s a whistle on my underwear
  3. I used to be in love with Tony Orlando and Bobby Brady, William Shatner and the “Jimbo” from Emergency One.
  4. Much of my music selection comes from Starbuck’s and the jukebox over at Tom Fischer’s
  5. I used to hang out at a bowling ally…and a skating rink…and behind the Acme (when it was an Acme).
  6. I’ve never had anything waxed.
  7. I’ve had sex midway up the Eiffel Tower.
  8. I don’t know what the word ignominious means (but I think I might be doing it now).
  9. I loved waiting tables
  10. I practically read all spam mail, and even visit the sites, namely Penis

Enlargement “increase the length and girth of your penis”

“Drop the hammer on the next chick you bang,”  “Penile Growth Patches,”

My all time favorite spam mail though was, “Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours”

Website called Ministry in a BOX

MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
               • Don’t settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES’ MAID

Baptism: You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!”

FORGIVENESS OF SINS

Visit Correctional Facilities

 • Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

11. I wrote on the wall at Graceland “Elvis, you were just OK.”

12. I don’t particularly like poetry.

13. I love sloppy joes

14. I met my ex-husband online.

15. I own The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Einstein. (Can you believe there’s also a book out there called “Sex for Dummies.” )

16. I still like Prince

17. I used to steal baklava and apple dumplings from my grandmother’s bakery—until she went out of business.

18. I recently had a lap dance.

19. I enjoyed it.

20. This isn’t the first time I’ve confessed for the sake of entertainment.

 

 

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