Fear of parties and party-goers

January 12, 2009

Because I am so anxiety-ridden over this party on Saturday, I decided to look up the corresponding “phobia” that goes along with my fear. That would be “fear of being single at a couples party and then having to crash on the floor among a group of strangers if i get too drunk because I’m stuck in Brooklyn, at night, in the dark, alone…”

Needless to say, my particular fear was not listed. But I thought I’d share with you the strangest ones I did find:

  • Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist’s dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues – anything that falsly represents a sentient being (just plain crazy).
  • Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis. (hmm…i wonder what this person would do in a sex shop?)
  • Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
  • Mottephobia- Fear of moths (definitely one of my greatest fears. No, really. Anyone who has ever dated me can attest to this)
  • Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams (I’d like to know the hell is afraid of a wet dream).
  • Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
  • Proctophobia- Fear of rectums (there’s also a fear of feces).
  • Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers (I actually saw a half-naked old man being tickled by a feather once…I’ve been disturbed by this image ever since).
  • Pupaphobia – Fear of puppets (Elmo in particular)
  • Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry (this is just plain strange!)
  • Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons (those Belgians are pretty damn scary).
  • Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (????)

What surprises me most are the ones they left off the list. Over the years, I have to admit, I’ve had some serious bouts of fear over the following:

  • fear of milk (lactose in general) 
  • fear of republicans (or better, fear that somehow they’ll bring Bush back for a 3rd term) 
  • fear of public restrooms and/or truck stops 
  • fear of toilet paper stuck to your shoe 
  • fear of teeth falling out 
  • fear of farting in public (why isn’t this on the REAL list?) 
  • fear of spilling a McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts coffee on you while driving
  • fear of people with mullets 
  • fear of extra buff, tan, muscular guys 
  • fear of Sylvia Browne, Celebrity Psychic to the Stars and inventor of her own religion 
  • fear of telemarketers 
  • fear of people who still wear parachute pants 
  • fear of having a brain aneurism 
  • fear of Christmas in July 
  • fear of Celine Dion impersonators 
  • fear of mustard stains
  • fear of cows grazing suspiciously by the side of the road (acquired many years ago, after reading Steve Martin’s “Cruel Shoes.” 
  • fear of making your own lasagna 
  • fear of Wal-Mart employees. 

To see more actual phobias, visit: http://phobialist.com/

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