Because I am so anxiety-ridden over this party on Saturday, I decided to look up the corresponding “phobia” that goes along with my fear. That would be “fear of being single at a couples party and then having to crash on the floor among a group of strangers if i get too drunk because I’m stuck in Brooklyn, at night, in the dark, alone…”
Needless to say, my particular fear was not listed. But I thought I’d share with you the strangest ones I did find:
- Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist’s dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues – anything that falsly represents a sentient being (just plain crazy).
- Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis. (hmm…i wonder what this person would do in a sex shop?)
- Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables.
- Mottephobia- Fear of moths (definitely one of my greatest fears. No, really. Anyone who has ever dated me can attest to this)
- Oneirogmophobia- Fear of wet dreams (I’d like to know the hell is afraid of a wet dream).
- Peladophobia- Fear of bald people.
- Proctophobia- Fear of rectums (there’s also a fear of feces).
- Pteronophobia- Fear of being tickled by feathers (I actually saw a half-naked old man being tickled by a feather once…I’ve been disturbed by this image ever since).
- Pupaphobia – Fear of puppets (Elmo in particular)
- Symmetrophobia- Fear of symmetry (this is just plain strange!)
- Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons (those Belgians are pretty damn scary).
- Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat (????)
What surprises me most are the ones they left off the list. Over the years, I have to admit, I’ve had some serious bouts of fear over the following:
- fear of milk (lactose in general)
- fear of republicans (or better, fear that somehow they’ll bring Bush back for a 3rd term)
- fear of public restrooms and/or truck stops
- fear of toilet paper stuck to your shoe
- fear of teeth falling out
- fear of farting in public (why isn’t this on the REAL list?)
- fear of spilling a McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts coffee on you while driving
- fear of people with mullets
- fear of extra buff, tan, muscular guys
- fear of Sylvia Browne, Celebrity Psychic to the Stars and inventor of her own religion
- fear of telemarketers
- fear of people who still wear parachute pants
- fear of having a brain aneurism
- fear of Christmas in July
- fear of Celine Dion impersonators
- fear of mustard stains
- fear of cows grazing suspiciously by the side of the road (acquired many years ago, after reading Steve Martin’s “Cruel Shoes.”
- fear of making your own lasagna
- fear of Wal-Mart employees.
To see more actual phobias, visit: http://phobialist.com/