Posts Tagged ‘confessions’

truth

January 28, 2009

  1. I have no tattoos
  2. I love to hear my name
  3. I can drive in any weather
  4. I am forgiving
  5. I still miss my dad
  6. Each year, I ban Christmas music (and that includes humming the tunes) from January 2 until the day after Thanksgiving
  7. I don’t like to cook unless it’s for entertainment purposes
  8. I’m usually always on time
  9. I often misplace my keys
  10. I love bland food.
  11. The only thing I do on my own that I can honestly say really makes me feel alive and whole is sing
  12. The two most important men in my life are my brothers
  13. The older I get the more aware I am that my body is incredibly sensitive to food, drink, the seasons, sleep, sex etc.
  14. Too often I feel like I missed my chance.
  15. In my will I have asked to have my ashes sprinkled down the back roads to Long Beach Island
  16. I don’t believe Jesus walked on water or raised Lazarus from the dead
  17. Two days after I’ve had wine, I get teary and sad.
  18. I don’t feel fat, but I wish I felt fitter
  19. I have several regrets 
  20. Love is the answer
  21. I am the first female in my family to have graduated college and ultimately go to grad school.
  22. I haven’t had a panic attack since December of 2007
  23. Every night Dani, Julien and I read our own books, each beside the other, on my bed. It’s my favorite time of the day
  24. I love heat and humidity
  25. One of my favorite memories was when Jimmy Ibbotson was at the height of his career and he came to stay over night for a while when we were living in Haddon Heights (I was 6 or 7). When I first saw him, he scared the shit out of me with his long hair, and so I hid under the dining room table but he kept trying to grab me, until I cried and my mother said, “Jim, leave her alone.” That kind of Freudian memory was bound to bite me in the ass when I got older and went after long haired musicians.
  26. One of my most disturbing memories was finding porno in my dad’s office and then proceeding to show it to all the neighborhood kids (Refer back to #18 )
  27. There are times when pain feels good
  28. I am addicted to coffee, love and peanut M&Ms
  29. There’s no place like home
  30. Ever since having babies, I need to sleep with a pillow at my stomach.
  31. I don’t dig when men lack self confidence to the point of being afraid to approach a woman for something as simple as sex- especially when they are dating
  32. I am seriously considering a year in the wilderness, living off the land, and teaching my boys how to survive in nature
  33. I’ve driven across the country four times. Twice out, twice back. They were both spiritual journeys I took alone, with my sons 
  34. I need to at once teach and be taught
  35. One of my favorite books of all time is Kerouac’s On the Road, but I never finished reading it. I bought it in 1989, inspired by my then artist boyfriend. It has my father’s own route out West written in it. The reason I won’t finish it is because I don’t want it to end 
  36. I recently learned that the ego is an illusion
  37. I do not watch TV unless I am forced to or I’m bored
  38. Yoga kinda bores me
  39. I despise the issue of sexual hang-ups
  40. I wish I had the will to fast for three days. I love the idea of purity.
  41. I don’t wear much make-up
  42. I’m ready for a nap

 

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Confessions

December 1, 2008

I dug these confessions up from 2004. 

  1. I read romance novels
  2. There’s a whistle on my underwear
  3. I used to be in love with Tony Orlando and Bobby Brady, William Shatner and the “Jimbo” from Emergency One.
  4. Much of my music selection comes from Starbuck’s and the jukebox over at Tom Fischer’s
  5. I used to hang out at a bowling ally…and a skating rink…and behind the Acme (when it was an Acme).
  6. I’ve never had anything waxed.
  7. I’ve had sex midway up the Eiffel Tower.
  8. I don’t know what the word ignominious means (but I think I might be doing it now).
  9. I loved waiting tables
  10. I practically read all spam mail, and even visit the sites, namely Penis

Enlargement “increase the length and girth of your penis”

“Drop the hammer on the next chick you bang,”  “Penile Growth Patches,”

My all time favorite spam mail though was, “Become a legally ordained minister within 48 hours”

Website called Ministry in a BOX

MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!!
               • Don’t settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES’ MAID

Baptism: You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!”

FORGIVENESS OF SINS

Visit Correctional Facilities

 • Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock

11. I wrote on the wall at Graceland “Elvis, you were just OK.”

12. I don’t particularly like poetry.

13. I love sloppy joes

14. I met my ex-husband online.

15. I own The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Einstein. (Can you believe there’s also a book out there called “Sex for Dummies.” )

16. I still like Prince

17. I used to steal baklava and apple dumplings from my grandmother’s bakery—until she went out of business.

18. I recently had a lap dance.

19. I enjoyed it.

20. This isn’t the first time I’ve confessed for the sake of entertainment.

 

 

Who reads this shit?

November 14, 2008

It’s almost 9 and I’m poised to hop in my car and head to the gym to attempt, once again, a 5K on the tread mill before my knees give out. I should stick with the bike. Bike is safer. And yet, as runners know so well (something which, I myself am learning for the first time), nothing compares to the feeling of energy your body generates when your legs propel you down the road– or in my case, propel me no where closer to anything but the dashboard of my hamster wheel. 

So, I was reading Citizen of the Month, checking out his links page and was overwhelmed at the gazillion people out there blogging. Not that this hadn’t occurred to me years ago. Because it had. And I became obsessed with wanting my own blog until I realized I had nothing to say or too much to say. For that matter, there’s always been a fine line between exposing what I think is “interesting” and going overboard– 

Example of going overboard:  I was telling Nuria last night that I had it in me a while ago to publish my diaries from the divorce. When I started transcribing them though, the reading was tedious. I came off as sounding uglier than the ex. Here’s this pathetic woman allowing her husband to do the stupidest shit and instead of taking action, all she does is bitch about it. And to make matters worse, she hasn’t a shred of dignity left and ends up sleeping with him as a means of shutting him up. And she writes: “it’s all for the kids. Keep it together for the kids.” Then there was my mother on my case, saying, “what are you adding to the world by writing something like that?” and “what will the children think when they read that some day?”

Needless to say,…I gave up the divorce journals and the blogging.

There is something so self-serving about blogging. Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on. I feel the egocentrism oozing from my skin sometimes. I’m privy to certain people’s judgments about bearing my soul on places like facebook and myspace. And quite frankly, the attention some people seek in their blatant “LOOK AT ME” status updates is quite ugly. As the lovely Ms. Meagan McCamy said, facebook can be kind of like walking through a hospital in a hospital gown with yer ass showing, but you’re in denial that you’re an exhibitionist. 

Thing is, I love the written word. I love to write. I write on napkins at restaurants. I write on public restroom walls. I write a million emails a day. And I have written in a journal since age eleven. I have 97 hard-bound volumes that line the bookshelves of my office like doctor’s reference manuals. Writing is a part of me. Keeps me real. Keeps me raw. And so is sharing the goods and exposing the reality of who I am–who people are. I can’t tell you how often I come across friends of mine that say things like, “John and Mary have the perfect marriage.” And i think, bullshit. John probably wears women’s pantyhose and Mary is anorexic because John is a control-freak. Their kids have A.D.D. and they both had to tap into John’s 401K because Mary is a shopaholic. People are so disturbingly into protecting their perfect identities and looking good that when something does go wrong (and it does), the amount of shame and humiliation is enough to bury them.

I’m not talking about airing one’s dirty laundry. I’m talking about being real. Anyway. 

There was a point to this. And the point is– whether blogging is self-serving or not, so be it. I’m not going to change. I love reading other people’s secrets. I’m glad there are a million people out there doing it. It goes to show not how egocentric people are, but rather, how we all need to reach out and touch others. There’s no shame in that.  I am drawn to confessions. And i love sharing in the commitment people undertake to expose themselves to the world. It’s not so much for attention, as it is a manner in which to communicate. It is not so much egocentric, as it is a belief in oneself that his or her words have impact. It is a way in which so many people try to connect. Try to feel alive. It’s why Dante wrote his Inferno, why da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa. Why S has tattoos. And G wears her hair in a ponytail. It’s why the tiger lily is so f’ing orange. Because inside we are not empty.